Serious Science Vol. 1

#1 Why you should never date American girls/Women

Well, it is simply a matter of biology. You see, behind every American girl, is an American Dad, the Abba Americanus And as their female off-spring grow, American Dads develop a sixth sense. This sense is known at the Mate Detector. 

This new sense allows the Dad to detect a potential Boy/Girlfriend a mile away. At the same time, the development of this sense affects the subjects' visual cortex. This makes it impossible for the father to see his off-spring as anything other then "Daddy's perfect little princess."

Upon detection of the potential mate, the American dad will immediately proceeded to 'Communicate' with the potential mate. 

Should you survive this stage of the process, you might end up saying the dreaded "I do." In which case, the American Dad and the Mom will immediately mutate into a pair of inhuman, blood thirsty creatures known only as 'In-laws." This raise the question of... 

American Procreation

....how do Americans procreate ? This is the true mystery of the 21st century. One that will likely not be solved for a considerable amount of time. It should be noted that this 'communication' is one of the reasons why Americans as so fond of their guns. Finally, it should be noted that there is one exception to this mystery. Namely, the Americanus Conspiracy Nuttus. 

This subspecies of American had been known to be created by the means of Black Magic. The mamma of the potential ACN burns a pile of old comic books, sacrificing them to the comic book gods Stanicus Lee'us and Jackus Kirbus. This causes the ACN to coalesce fully grown in the middle of their basement. 

And thus ends today's episode.

Regards,

Ruben A. Hilbers (Commander Nash)